Congratulations

Story Behind the Poem

About a year ago I learned that an ex of mine had gotten engaged. It threw me for a shock, for the simple reason that only a few months before, when we last spoke, I was unaware that she was even dating someone. We initially began dating back in '03, during my freshman year of college, broke up the same year....and really had no real contact until my senior year of college. She'd transferred after freshman year (not because of our break up at all) and had returned to Hampton to hang up with old friends before everyone scattered back across the country. Anyway, since that time we've remained cordial...and basically erased any ill-feelings between us.

Between '06 when we reconnected through, say, fall of '07, we steadily improved our friendship, but it was a bit odd, at least on my end. We'd basically arrived at the conclusion that our break-up was caused by young folks miscommunicating. In my head, my curiousity was peaked a little bit.....but nothing ever came of it, before we amicably loss touch amidst our busy lives. It's so much more to the story, but I've said all I rightfully can, because anyone who's known me for any length of time could probably identify who I'm discussing....All I can say is that the poem discusses my reaction to the news of her engagement, and a bit of rehashing of our history, just for context, just so you all can understand how .....unique this feeling I have is. To say anything more would be nothing more than airing out someone else's business...so without further ado...Congratulations (but I don't want an invitation, lol).

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I imagined this would be a little bit difficult
And a whole lot bit awkward
But just the same, I’m calling
Because at the end the day, we are still friends
Granted, I have only one friend I can say was my first
So…again, you can imagine what it must be like for me
….to say congratulations on your engagement

Whenever I think of you, I am the face of bewilderment
Drawn aback from the impact of our few months
I think about sitting at our tree on the waterfront in Virginia

And the night we shared your blanket
Huddled within each other on the cold concrete,
Counting stars
Drunk with unimportant discussion that actually mattered….
And falling asleep, remaining that way until the rain awoke us
And chased us back to your dorm

I think about those frigid nights that we’d sit amongst the escaping winters
Birthing what are now memoirs
My teeth chattered, yet I refused to take my jacket back
Afraid that we’d have to cut short our evening
It was on one of these oh so common nights that I crowned you
Topping you with my fitted cap
Cocking it to the left the way we do on the eastside
I claimed you
And you cried without tears
A true understanding, words were useless; our souls spoke
That may be one of the sweetest moments I’ve ever shared with any one

All of which makes the break up perplexing
Shy of first love only because my heart then was as it is now;
Incapable of that sort of vulnerability
Only moreso then
You embarked on an impossible task with me, given the circumstances
Which I will keep between you and I

I think of all that now…
And how none of it matters
What we could have been has been exhausted
Yet I honestly don’t think I could be any happier
That’s why when I scrolled passed your name in my cell phone
I was compelled to be the bigger man
I chuckled at the tentativeness in your voice when you answered
Ill at ease, I’m sure
As even our innocuous exchanges always tended to return to our favorite familiar topic
What happened to us?
What could have been had that happening not happened?
How naïve we both were, to think we could ever be just friends

But it’s okay
Trust, I’m only calling to wish you well
My reflection shows no envy or jealousy
My chest is not warmed by anger
My heart is not hurt, and it’s still beating
And I’m smiling
I wish my friend the best
And trust, my words have the utmost sincerity